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“friend”, “foe” or “family”

October 16, 2016 | by Joy Wirta

Life sometimes does not make sense, all of a sudden you are on top of the world, and in the next minute it is all going to shit. It often happens so fast you did not see it coming, like the tsunami hitting the shore. In a longer term illness or palliative care we often spend so much time with each other family and friends alike, charting shifts, who is available when: nights, days, and weekends. When a loved one wants to spend those last months, weeks, and days at home, we make sure they are as comfortable as possible, doing everything in our power to follow through on every promise and last wish. In doing so I think we often step on each other, not with intent, it just happens. It is said that we often hurt those closest to us. I believe the reason for that is it is easier for them to forgive than some stranger. We are so focused on the patient (loved one) that we tend to take our frustrations and anger out on each other. We all know words can “HURT” and chances are that if given a time clock what was said or done we would reverse, but it is too late damage is done and the village is under water and family separated. Then life moves forward, and you are grieving experiencing some of the darkest places known to mankind, you have no wish to see family as you spent the last few months maybe seeing them day in and day out, you just need a breather, when a friend all of a sudden says “Things must be easier now, life returning to normal?” you look at that individual like they just grew two heads! Or wondering what planet they just landed from. Often words, expressions, suggestions have the ability to increase our pain, and the person directing them has no idea what they just did. As there are no physical scars, there is no knowledge of your pain. We need to start communicating better with each other, we as a society need to start working together to have a better understanding how words can impact our healing process. Right from the start, our friends and family are just trying to help, if we do not say or explain why we are feeling how we are, our personal anger will fester and grow, than we are just as much at fault. So for all those things we said or have done in the past, misdirected anger, “FUSS UP” make sure to think before we speak, are we saying or doing something out of frustration. The next time someone you love is going through a negative experience, and you have a comment, maybe bite your tongue , walk away and rethink your thoughts before saying them, it could save that tsunami from destroying your village. Till next time\r\n\r\n

Author

Joy Wirta

Owner of Dragonfly

Joy Wirta is a lifetime resident of the Sudbury Area, where she was born and raised her family. She has been involved as a volunteer for over 20 years serving on many committees and boards across the region.

Employed with over a decade of service with Canada Revenue Agency, she holds to great value confidentiality and privacy.

After dealing with personal losses herself, she recognized a need for a support program within our community to deal with the affairs after a family has said their final goodbyes.