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take time and reflect

October 23, 2016 | by Joy Wirta

It is difficult at times, to try and remember the “good times” without thinking of the “bad times”. I find that no matter how many years past, we find ourselves thinking back and reflecting on what has been, but wishing for what could have been, and then the tears start to roll. Maybe that’s why some of us, just do not want to talk about a loved who has passed, it is easier to not remember, when we do not talk about it, it never existed. As I go about my new journey with Dragonfly Advisory Services, I have had a lot of opportunities to speak with professionals who are dealing with grief day in and day out and they sometimes are just at a loss themselves on how so many of us just choose to ignore a situation than deal with it. I know I want to remember the good times, and all those precious moments, but the dark ones start showing face as soon as I do. So I have come to the conclusion that the more times I think back and reflect on what has been, the what could have been, make themselves less and less of a present thought. It is important to remember all the “good times”, and feel confident that during those dark and most challenging times of the “bad” we did everything in or power to make sure the person dying did not realize how “bad” it really was. Smiles on our face, favourite meals, long talks, holding hands, watching TV at the weirdest hours, reading a good book, or maybe just being there when they were scared and unsettled. We all do our best, and wonder did we do enough? That’s normal. I recently found a book called “Dying” A book of comfort, there are so many out\r\nthere, search and see what might fit your need. I think as long as we did do everything within our power to make sure our loved one had care and comfort in those last month, weeks, and days, when we reflect back it will bring tears, and maybe some relief at what we endured, and what they had to suffer through. God I do wish there was a right answer on a lot of the thoughts that go through my head, I just know I have to reflect on the past and come with terms that it is okay to have these emotions, and know that the “Good Times” will prevail!! Until next time….\r\n\r\n

Author

Joy Wirta

Owner of Dragonfly

Joy Wirta is a lifetime resident of the Sudbury Area, where she was born and raised her family. She has been involved as a volunteer for over 20 years serving on many committees and boards across the region.

Employed with over a decade of service with Canada Revenue Agency, she holds to great value confidentiality and privacy.

After dealing with personal losses herself, she recognized a need for a support program within our community to deal with the affairs after a family has said their final goodbyes.