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“it gets easier” or does it?

September 25, 2016 | by joywirta

Recently I found that whenever you meet someone and they are having trouble moving forward, maybe a first holiday after a loss you often hear “It gets easier”. I often want to say “really?” or “says who?”. Maybe that’s a little sarcastic I know but it is the truth. I do not care how many holidays come and go, how many birthdays are missed, or special occasions, IT DOES NOT GET EASIER… get with the program people! I think that over time we learn to adapt to not having our loved one with us, and for sure as time passes our hearts heal a little, but I can tell you truthfully after 10 years each birthday and holiday feel like the first one, I still cry, hurt, and miss them like hell, but I have adapted and accepted that they are not here physically, but I can guarantee that they are with me spiritually. Maybe it makes it easier for me to deal with feeling like they are here with me, who knows, maybe science can prove me wrong, I really do not care, at the end of the day if it makes it easier for me to move forward and accept the loss then I am okay with my choice of talking to them when I am troubled, or just need to vent. Or even if I am ecstatic and have something to celebrate, why not tell them. We all have personal challenges after we lose someone, some of us may have to be more creative than others in how we deal with a loss. There is no right or wrong, we should never let anyone tell us how we feel or what way to channel our emotions. Blogging gives me a way to grieve yet let others know how I am being creative in my grief. So as the holidays approach, Thanksgiving, Christmas, or even a milestone Birthday or a Birth. Remember if it makes you feel better set that extra place setting at the table, or ask your mom “how do I make that stuffing again” and wait for a response lol GO FOR IT!!! Because it may not get easier but having a quick chuckle or cry might make the acceptance go a long way. Till next time.

Author

Joy Wirta

Owner of Dragonfly

Joy Wirta is a lifetime resident of the Sudbury Area, where she was born and raised her family. She has been involved as a volunteer for over 20 years serving on many committees and boards across the region.

Employed with over a decade of service with Canada Revenue Agency, she holds to great value confidentiality and privacy.

After dealing with personal losses herself, she recognized a need for a support program within our community to deal with the affairs after a family has said their final goodbyes.