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November 20, 2016 | by joywirta

You know how we all say “Sometimes looks can be deceiving” well guess what, the same runs with grief. It may be hard to believe but grief often takes time, it may be months or even years, but I promise you it is a lot longer than most families think. You cannot assume just because the loved one looks well, and may be back at work, or in the arena watching their child play hockey, does not necessarily mean they are not suffering. It is fully understood that Bereavement Leave is great but not nearly enough. But life does have to move forward and that means so do we or so they tell us, but how do we move forward and not find ourselves falling apart in the process, feeling numb, and alone? It is important for those around someone who has had a loss, to provide that support. Let the person know you are here if you need me, but not put pressure on the person. I am always saying give me my space, for me knowing there is someone there to talk to is enough to give me comfort, but not invading my personal space. Often we tend to make things seem “peachy” because we are afraid of what others may think. I call “Bullshit” on that one, sorry if that offends anyone, my apologies, but at the end of the day we are responsible for our own mental health and wellbeing. If you know that you are having a hard time dealing with a loss, or a family member notices that you are not eating or sleeping well, than we have a responsibility to get the support we need. It may be hard to ask for that support or tell a family member or friend “I am getting a little worried”, but it is important to know that you are not grieving alone, and that those around you want to help, they just may be at a loss as to how. If you are a friend or family member and you think that maybe the grieving person needs to seek help on a more professional level, do due diligence, watch for signs, do research, speak with a professional yourself and get a professional opinion before you go offering yours, because remember there is normal grief and not so normal grief. There are no easy answers, and there is no time table to follow, but at the end of the day it is the “Love” we have for the person grieving that really matters. Till next time……..

Author

Joy Wirta

Owner of Dragonfly

Joy Wirta is a lifetime resident of the Sudbury Area, where she was born and raised her family. She has been involved as a volunteer for over 20 years serving on many committees and boards across the region.

Employed with over a decade of service with Canada Revenue Agency, she holds to great value confidentiality and privacy.

After dealing with personal losses herself, she recognized a need for a support program within our community to deal with the affairs after a family has said their final goodbyes.