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the 5 stages of grief, will i get acceptance?

October 2, 2016 | by joywirta

There are some great books today that deal with grief and losing a loved one. One of my favorites is “Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief” by Martha Whitmore Hickman. There are so many popular books you often wonder where do I start to read? It is said that there are 5 stages of grief. And I have found most books tell us the same.\r\n

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  • Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
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  • Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
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  • Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
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  • Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
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  • Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
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\r\n\r\n\r\nI am honestly after 10 years trying to get to the acceptance stage. I have a hard time finding peace with what happened, I understand that it did, that the decision was made by a higher source. Nothing that anyone could have said or done could change their deaths, but I do my best every day to TRY and accept what happened. I am at peace knowing that my mom is no longer suffering, seeing demons and shadows, asking “If you just give me a knife, and go I will do it myself”, YES that I am at peace with that. But it takes strength daily to find acceptance and understanding that losing someone is out of our control. There is no time frame, where the good book says “on day 280, you will have Acceptance” I wish there was a magic ball for us, or some formula or chart that we could dump in some numbers and “POOF” here is the day you are done 5 stages of grief, please roll a dice and move forward. LoL… But there is not….so we have books, resource materials, counsellors, and each other. Time is on our side, so I guess at some point we will hit that magic number of 5 and be done with the five stages of grief, BUT not grief itself, because like that worst embarrassing moment we have all had at one time or another in life, it stays in our memory and grief makes its presence every now and then. So if you are finding yourself struggling with those five stages or stuck on a particular one, be proactive, talk to someone, reach out, and ask for help. Put whatever pride aside and know you will be a healthier and more productive individual if you just allow someone in. Till next time I leave you with the words of Edward Hirsch:\r\n\r\n‘Many of us carry the dead around with us. We shouldn’t feel ashamed of that’\r\n\r\n

Author

Joy Wirta

Owner of Dragonfly

Joy Wirta is a lifetime resident of the Sudbury Area, where she was born and raised her family. She has been involved as a volunteer for over 20 years serving on many committees and boards across the region.

Employed with over a decade of service with Canada Revenue Agency, she holds to great value confidentiality and privacy.

After dealing with personal losses herself, she recognized a need for a support program within our community to deal with the affairs after a family has said their final goodbyes.