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the right thing to say….

October 9, 2016 | by joywirta

The Right Thing to Say…..\r\n\r\nAs I grow with my new journey with Dragonfly Advisory Services (DAS ), I have had many conversations with individuals who have just lost a loved one. Even though I have felt the same emotions as they have maybe not necessarily on the same scale, “I Get It” and I even sometimes am not sure what to say. The politically correct thing to say obviously is “I am so sorry for your loss, my condolences”. We try so hard to find the comforting words or right statement. For myself right now I most likely never met the person, but if that individual is seeking assistance, I can only imagine how much they loved the deceased. If you lose someone unexpectedly the pain is probably so deep and raw there is no explanation of the emotion. Personally if you are going to offer your condolences, make sure you understand the means of death, you might think that’s nuts, but realistically the emotions involved vary on the means of death. From palliative all the way to murder. There are some wonderful reads on the subject, such as “Things No Grieving Person Wants To Hear, by Scott Simon Books” I am sure that each and every one of us at one time or another stopped at the door to a Funeral Home, and said “I do not know what to say” It Is not easy that’s for sure, but having your presence sometimes means more than the words could. So if you find yourself in a situation, where you have to go to a funeral home, but you are thinking of not going to avoid it, because it is easier, than facing the family and friends , think twice. You should not avoid the uncomfortable situation but educate yourself and know there is one language of grief you may not know about and it is “Silence” that unspoken language is often enough, there may be tears, unrest, but just being there helps with the healing. Maybe one day we will have the book “Dummies for Grief” but do know you are not alone, we all wonder at one time or another, what to say, and often nothing at all is enough. Like you, I will work on the words that best express my condolences, and pray and hope they are the right ones, there may be a slip of expression, or a wrong word present, and we can only hope that the receiving party understands. Till next time…..\r\n\r\n

Author

Joy Wirta

Owner of Dragonfly

Joy Wirta is a lifetime resident of the Sudbury Area, where she was born and raised her family. She has been involved as a volunteer for over 20 years serving on many committees and boards across the region.

Employed with over a decade of service with Canada Revenue Agency, she holds to great value confidentiality and privacy.

After dealing with personal losses herself, she recognized a need for a support program within our community to deal with the affairs after a family has said their final goodbyes.