those firsts vs the special
September 18, 2016 | by joywirta
The one thing I love about blogs is the honesty factor, it is like writing in my diary as a teenager, except now I do not have to hide it under my bed from my sister, but expose it for all to read!\r\n\r\nAs the days follow after a loved one dies, I find I often heard from friends and family was that old saying “the first holidays are always the hardest” maybe, maybe not. I grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness so if you did not know that about me you now do. So those that are familiar with the religion you know that they do not celebrate certain holidays. (You may have caught the they and not we, I have moved on from that life now) Growing up I did not celebrate Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, etc. etc. You get the idea. Please no sympathy we had all we needed in life and did not go without I assure you, most likely spoiled as a result. So for me those first holiday’s after my parents passed away I did not find as difficult as I did those special moments in life.\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\nMy granddaughter’s and grandson births for me was the hardest, I remember wishing my mom could have been there celebrating with me, she loved her grandchildren like no other so I knew she would have been an amazing great-grandmother.\r\n\r\nAs the years passed there was a lot a resentment towards those that were still among us and able to be part of those special moments, like births and weddings. There were many times I questioned why they were here, but my own were not. These were my issues to burden and not those that it was being reflected towards. Grief has a way of catching on and trying to suck the life out of you, many occasions I thought it would start controlling who I was. The anger takes over and next thing you know you feel possessed like some demon from a poltergeist movie. I would try to input a picture but seriously it would not be pretty! It takes time to heal, we need to understand that sometimes we need help, and asking for it is not lowering our levels but accepting that we are human. Knowing that you cannot do it alone is the first step to healing. We all deal with death and grief differently and regardless of how we go about our daily business is our personal choice. BUT do know that there are times you do not have to do it alone. We all need a shoulder on occasion.